Dear Husband:

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good.
I’ve been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show
for
it.  These last two weeks have been hell. Your  boss called to tell me
that you  had quit your job today and that was the last  straw.  Last
week,
you came  home and didn’t notice that I had gotten my hair and nails
done,
cooked your  favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came
homeand ate in  two minutes, and went straight to sleep after   watching the
game.  You don’t  tell me you love me anymore, you don’t touch me or
anything.
Either you’re cheating or you don’t love me anymore, whatever the case
is, I’m gone.

P.S. If you’re trying to find me, don’t. Your BROTHER and I are moving
away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife

Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.  It’s true that
you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a
far cry  from what you’ve been.  I watch sports so much to try to drown
out your  constant nagging.  Too bad that doesn’t work. I did notice
when you cut off  all of your hair last week, the first thing that came
to mind was “You look  just like a man!”  My mother raised me to not say
anything if you can’t say  anything nice.

When you cooked my favorite
meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I
stopped eating pork seven years ago.  I  went to sleep on you when you
had on that new negligee
because the price tag  was still on it.  I prayed that it was a
coincidence that
my brother had  just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and
your negligee was  $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and
felt that we could work it  out.  So when I discovered that I had hit
the  lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two
tickets to Jamaica.

But when I got home you were gone.  Everything happens for a reason I
guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.  My lawyer said
with your letter that you wrote, you won’t get a dime from me. So take
care.

P.S.  I don’t know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born
Carla.  I hope that’s not a problem.

Signed Rich As Hell and Free!


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