I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good.
I’ve been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show
it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me
that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last
you came home and didn’t notice that I had gotten my hair and nails
cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came
homeand ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the
game. You don’t tell me you love me anymore, you don’t touch me or
Either you’re cheating or you don’t love me anymore, whatever the case
is, I’m gone.
P.S. If you’re trying to find me, don’t. Your BROTHER and I are moving
away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true that
you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a
far cry from what you’ve been. I watch sports so much to try to drown
out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn’t work. I did notice
when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came
to mind was “You look just like a man!” My mother raised me to not say
anything if you can’t say anything nice.
When you cooked my favorite
meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I
stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you
had on that new negligee
because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a
my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and
your negligee was $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and
felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit
the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two
tickets to Jamaica.
But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said
with your letter that you wrote, you won’t get a dime from me. So take
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born
Carla. I hope that’s not a problem.
Signed Rich As Hell and Free!